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Nettie Machete
Nettie Machete is a character role-played by netsirk. Introduction Nettie is a melodramatic member of the EMS who is prone to dragging others into her romantic misadventures while she is off-duty. Her sweet and friendly exterior is just a facade as she's an incredibly mischievous woman who takes great joy in gaslighting and emotionally tormenting her peers with her outlandish schemes and antics. On December 10th, Nettie proposed to [[Jordan Steele|'Jordan Steele']] at a business fundraiser that was being hosted by [[Evita "Mother" Nimm|'Mother']]. Jordan accepted her proposal and they're now currently engaged. Background "Yeah, my siblings all died in a fire. Believe it or not, it was on Christmas. It was really unfortunate. My mom also died in that fire." - Nettie Due to Nettie being a pathological liar, much of her backstory is a mystery as she lies so frequently about her past that she often forgets the truth. Her place of birth, hometown, pets, and the status of her family are all constantly in flux as she usually makes up stories about them on the spot. Personality "Nettie, you are the most energetic sprite that I have ever worked with." - [[Mari Jones|'Mari']] At her best, Nettie is a bubbly manic ball of chaos. At her worst, she's an incredibly toxic pessimist. Despite this, many know her as a sweet and kind member of the EMS due to her bedside manner from months of working to save lives throughout the city. Nettie loves drama and is willing to go out of her way to cause it both directly and indirectly. She's been known to deliberately lie and start arguments for little more than her own amusement, particularly with her romantic partners. Until recently, the relative privacy of her relationships has kept this side of her personality hidden from the public eye. Nettie exhibits many telltale signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder but her condition largely goes unnoticed due to people perceiving her as eccentric and cute. Many of her crueler jokes are actually genuine sentiments that fly under the radar. Appearance "Have you seen me? I'm an Albino." - Nettie Nettie is a fair-skinned, blue-eyed woman who is most easily identifiable by her blonde mohawk and smudged mascara. Prior to a mix-up at the cleaners, she used to sport her favorite EMT jacket at all times while on duty - even after being promoted to Paramedic. Nettie has a strong aversion to wearing clothing that she deems to be too revealing. She typically wears pants, boots, long-sleeve shirts, sweaters, and jackets. She also owns an unfitted tuxedo. Relationships Tracy Martell "Who else is going to be with you? Nobody knows you like I do. Nobody's crazy enough to be with you, you crazy bitch." - Tracy Katherine 'KitKat' Kaspar "So I just looked up the definition of an abusive relationship on Google, and that... uhhh... that ticks all the boxes." ''- KitKat [[Jerry Callow|'Jerry Callow']] "I did not have sexual relations with [[Chips Ahoy|'Chips']]' air conditioner, Nettie! I promise!" ''- Jerry Jordan Steele "Our love can melt steel beams!" ''- Jordan Friendships Chips Ahoy "Heya, Nettie! How've ya been?!" - Chips [[James Apeller|'James 'Apples' Apeller']] "We can't hurt Nettie, she's a friend!" - Apples Bailey Jade "Nettie, no! We're not shooting anyone!" - ''Bailey 'Kizzy Neveah "Actually, I think the issue there was Brenda didn't want [[Amara Harte|'Amara']] and Amara was deluding herself." - Kizzy Jessie Skid "You're a good egg, Jessie. I hope you've been staying safe." - Nettie Additional Relationships The 'Not-Dates' Being a bit of a flirt, Nettie had no shortage of romantic attention during her initial breakup with Tracy. This led to her getting into numerous mini-dates with various women across Los Santos. Despite at one point officially getting back with Tracy, Nettie would continue spending time with some of these women. Most notable among them were [[Katherine Kaspar|'Katherine 'Kitkat' Kaspar']], [[Ester Strong|'Ester Strong']], and [[Daphne Tillamuck|'Daphne Tillamuck']]. The 'Straight Phases' Embittered by her lack of success while dating women, Nettie has gone through several 'straight phases' where she attempted to force herself to like men. Her reasoning for each phase varies dramatically: too many women vying for her attention, not enough women vying for her attention, making an ex jealous, legitimately attempting to court men who she finds passable, boredom, etc. This lead to her pursuing various men throughout Los Santos, much to the confusion of everyone who knows her as a lesbian. Most notable among them were [[Dennis LaBarre|'Dennis LaBarre']], [[Bodean Tucker|'Bodean 'Bo' Tucker']], Huck Guthrie, [[Jerry Callow|'Jerry Callow']], and Jordan Steele. Poetry Nettie has an affinity for poetry and has been known to read poems to people she cares about. While she has done this for several women, reading poetry is a habit that she reserves for people who she considers truly special. Quotes * "Remember me as I once was." * "I've been prepared to die for years." * "I'm mostly alive, but partly dead." * "I have negative friends." * "I am many things..." * "I'm the vest fairy." * "You see... the thing is..." * "That's right, you did this." * "Women will be the death of me." * "Sir, have you seen me? I'm emo." * "Eat the spider, [[Bree Matthews|'Bree']]! Eat it, eaaaat it!" * "Hey there, buddy. How are you feeling?" * "When are these people going to die already?!" * "Dammit, I didn't have a death poem prepared!" * "Don't you ever, and I mean ever, waste E. E. Cummings on a stripper." * "Was that a good line? I thought so. It was a lie though. Get off my Faggio, please." * "Don't worry, I haven't had somebody die under my care in ages. It's actually a bit disappointing." Trivia * As of September 10th, she was promoted to the position of Paramedic. * On December 6th, Nettie was promoted to an FTO. * Nettie has a strong distaste for vibrant and pastel hair colors which she deems unnatural. She often bullies people in an attempt to get them to change their hair color. * Nettie is a virgin. Although many in the city believe this to be a lie due her success in alluring both men and women. * Nettie is a Gemini, though she claims to be a Pisces. * Nettie owns a Rhapsody, a Glendale, a Michelli, and a Faggio v3. * Nettie claims that her blonde mohawk is genetic and that her hair grows that way. * Despite owning a home in the Vespucci canals, Nettie seldom sleeps there. She instead elects to live in the janitor's closet at Pillbox. * After having her sternum crushed during a hit-and-run accident, Nettie no longer has ribs. * Nettie first asked Tracy out on AOL instant messenger. Her AOL username was: Nettie123XL5. * Nettie has a fatalistic sense of humor and frequently makes casual jokes regarding her own mortality to herself. A habit that regularly causes concern among those around her. * Nettie slowly assimilated many of Tracy's personal idioms and catchphrases while they were dating. * "Brakked", sometimes spelled "brak'd", is a slang-term for breakup which originates from Tracy. Its initial usage was cause for concern as Nettie wasn't sure what it meant, "-but it sure does sound bad." * Nettie tends to find possessiveness incredibly attractive, particularly in women who she already has a crush on. This has led to her frequently [https://clips.twitch.tv/HelplessManlyPuppySeemsGood pining for Tracy's jealous outbursts when they're apart]. * Tracy claims that Nettie's chest and butt are square and blocky, much like the 2009 video game Minecraft. * The thought of openly expressing physical intimacy has caused her to flee from a conversation on several occasions. * Despite being friends with most of the staff at Pillbox, Nettie has held a firm stance that her co-workers aren't family. * Nettie has suffered several traumatic brain injuries over the years, the most severe being when she tripped over a barrier and fell 100ft into the lower Pillbox parking lot. * Nettie is notoriously bad at remembering names. She frequently lists contacts in her phone under nicknames that she makes up on the spot, a practice that has come back to bite her on numerous occasions. * Nettie has a collection of unclaimed teeth which she keeps on her person, just in case she ever needs a transplant due to the cavities she's gained from copious Mountain Dew consumption. * In hopes of reducing the number of calls EMS gets flooded with, Nettie began donating body armor to the citizens of Los Santos and calling herself the "Vest Fairy". * Ever since her breakup with Kitkat, Nettie has sported a semi-permanent smudged mascara look. A side effect of crying to herself in the Pillbox janitor's closet every morning before starting her shift. Gallery jean sings to kizzy for nettie.jpg|Nettie ends her friendship with Kizzy Nettie asking tracy out.jpg|Nettie asks Tracy to be her girlfriend mia plans nettie and tracys date.jpg|Mia plans Tracy and Nettie's date comeheretracy.jpg|Nettie aims for Tracy's heart nettielapdance.jpg|Tracy entraps Nettie with a lap-dance from Dee Unbrakk Contract.png|Nettie's contract to get back together with Tracy nettie and kitkat.jpg | Nettie reciting a poem for KitKat Kitkatexplains.jpg|Nettie confronts KitKat after she was kidnapped Nettie and jessie discuss bovice.jpg|Nettie and Jessie discuss Bovice Nettie and tracy.jpg|Nettie and Tracy's final breakup Nettie and Jordans Beach Date.jpg|Nettie and Jordan's beach date Nettie kayden and jerry.jpg|Kayden and Jerry confront Nettie about Jordan nettie proposes to jordan.jpg|Nettie proposes to Jordan Nettie at court.jpg|Nettie testifying at the hit and run trial The Divorce Trial.jpg|Jordan and Nettie at the divorce trial Andrews and Nettie.jpg|Andrews tells Nettie that the DA is investigating her for perjury Category:Female Category:Characters Category:EMS/Doctors